You know that saying: A sailor has a woman in every port. Well, its a bit of an exaggeration but as a full time sailor myself I found that if I do stay in one place for more than 3 weeks I usually do find a woman.
I am not a womanizer nor a ONS guy. I’ve been married and never cheated nor intended to cheat when I was in a committed relationship. Why would I, my goal was and still is to have a deep relationship, understand and help each other, enjoy exploring life together. But I am not a fighter so when it becomes obvious that my well being is the opposite of hers I move on. That is how I ended up happily divorced, twice 🙂
During my sailing life prep, I actively looked for a woman to join me on the entire voyage. I believed that a committed relationship is what I wanted and thought sailing together would be a dream come through for the right one. I met and talked with many women and realized that in their minds, ‘saddling down’ really means to stay in one place. When explaining my plans and even throwing in a bonus that they would not have to worry about finances they always ended up with excuses why not to go. Excuses boiled down to what an old friend of mine kept telling me; A woman looks for a solid foundation: a good work/house to run, a circle of close friends to enjoy, and when time is right kids to care of. I am not saying all women are like that. The reason why I didn’t find a woman who wants to travel is because the traveler type was already traveling.
As I started to sail, I met a number of women travelers, enough to know that women love to travel and explore as much as men do. In some locations like Canary Islands which In my opinion is the starting point for number of travelers, they are even the norm, not an exception. The reason why I am still traveling solo is because I started to doubt that one woman is the answer for me.
I thought; Hey, I changed my life from the possession gathering to experience seeking type and love it. What would happen if I tried multiple sexual relationships? Not a swinger style, more like a perpetual dating where the women know its not going to lead to a monogamous relationship. The benefits are obvious. I can still travel, be with more women, and have wider variety of sexual experiences without the guilt of cheating. Let me tell you, its not so easy. I quickly realized that both good and bad emotions are exaggerated and this type of a relationship can easily spin out of control. In the beginning it did, many times 🙂 Over time I found that there are a few communication rules to follow that make it possible and nearly drama free.
IMHO, the drama is still caused by something in our DNA that wants to own another human being. It is an inner fight, can manifest itself from time to time and be a struggle to contain. I think we all go through that and look for a balance. The people with less introspective just do it more publicly. Anyway, the rules are:
Honesty: Probably the most obvious is to always be honest. It took me a while to not give in to what I thought a woman would want to hear. Now I always try to be clear in my intentions, explain my situation and goals even if I am completely sure it will turn her off. A good side effect is that I need to have things clear in my mind first. Its a nice push to live a more meaningful life. More often than not I am positively surprised to learn that she is ok with what I serve up. Aaand it becomes liberating to know that its ok to enjoy each other fully yet not have the burden of hidden/other expectations.
Transparency:This is an interesting one and one I struggled with the most. The idea is to be honest but not get into specifics. Yes, there is another woman but no, I will not go into any details. Correct, don’t discuss any details 🙂 Not even if pressed. My problem is that I get too excited about a woman or experience I had with her and want to share it. Trust me, even if its completely positive and you think your other partner would be excited to hear it they are not 🙂 This is what friends are for!
Some people may seek a ‘long term relationship’ and get one that they are not happy with. I decided to seek a ‘happy relationship’ and its secondary how long it is for.
I realize making a life choice that is not based on permanency but happiness means that I may not have anyone by my side when I am old. Not having a ‘safety net’ is definitely scary and probably one of the top reasons why people choose to stay in a wrong and unfulfilling relationship. It also may not be good for long term commitments like raising kids buuut this one is somewhat questionable. Articles I read show that kids are better off when parent is happy. If parents are together or separate is secondary.
I also realize that I want only a single woman in one location. More women is too much trouble 🙂 At this point one in each port is perfect. If I find one for all ports that is still in the stars 🙂
2 thoughts on “Relationships while Sailing”
Linda filósofia de vida! Lo que no tienes ahora es porque no hace falta y estoy segura que llegará cuando tenga que llegar. Lo más probable es que todavia no estés preparado para una compañera.
Simple!! Sin apegos, ni posesiones se vive libremente, libre por ahora de una tremenda responsabilidad depor vida…los hijos, gran tema.
Que no te aterre la vejez….disfruta y sigue feliz….nadie sabe en qué minuto la vida cambia. Aquí y ahora es que sea tu foco. Un abrazo!
Thank you Pili!